he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
