Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
