She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
