I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
