Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
