I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize