i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
