Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Houston, we have a squirter
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
