k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
