is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
