he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
