I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
