He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh god it's open bar.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
