I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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