so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
