Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
