I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
