I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
