so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My vagina is officially offended.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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