i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
