So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
