Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
