pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
