We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
