As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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