No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
