Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Randomize
