If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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