lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
