We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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