dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
