Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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