yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
