addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
