I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
