Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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