Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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