she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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