my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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