We should be called the Road Head Warriors
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
