i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
