Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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