ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
