Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
