oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
