i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
