watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
