The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we made out on top of his cat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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