Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
