is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
