When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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