ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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