God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
