party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
