when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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