We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
