Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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