if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
