she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
