We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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