my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
