wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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