Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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