apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
