you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
