And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
