and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.