FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.