I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
