i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.