she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
