im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
