you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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