he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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