Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
