Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
